Misconceptions about Shraddh — widows, kanya-bhoj and feeding beggars: what the shastras say

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Confusion one — "as the departed, so the one who eats"

New methods have sprung up these days:

• If it is the Shraddh of a married woman, feed a married woman
• If it is a widow’s Shraddh, feed a widow
• If it is a girl’s Shraddh, feed a girl

Dr. Gyanendra Sharma calls this rhyme, not shastra. He says — if it is not refuted today, this very custom will later take the form of shastra.

What the shastras say: whether the Shraddh is of a widow, a girl or a married woman — it is the feeding of a Brahmin that matters. The ancestors enter the Brahmin’s body and receive the food; there is no other process by which the food reaches them.

If it is the Shraddh of a married woman, the Brahmin can be fed with his wife. If the wife is not there, the Brahmin alone is enough.

Confusion two — kanya-bhoj

In Pitru Paksha and at the meal after a death, people have begun to feed young girls.

The shastras say that a girl who is akshat — that is, unmarried — has no entitlement to the Shraddh meal. The place of kanya-bhoj is in Navratri, not in Pitru Paksha.

Confusion three — "Brahmins are always eating, feed the hungry"

This argument is given a lot. Dr. Sharma’s answer is balanced:

• Feed beggars, the helpless and the hungry day and night — feed thousands. This is very great merit.
• But it comes under compassion, not under the method of Shraddh.

If the rite after a parent’s death prescribes twelve Brahmins, its fruit will come only from feeding twelve Brahmins. Seating twelve girls or twelve beggars in their place does not complete that rite.

Do both — but do not put one in place of the other.

Confusion four — "the preta comes and drools on the leaf-plate"

Some people do not eat the meal after a death because they feel the departed comes as a preta and pollutes the leaf-plate.

Dr. Sharma says — this is written nowhere. The ancestors and devatas are satisfied by fragrance alone. They do not eat and drink; the fragrance comes and they are satisfied.

To read about this subject in detail, see Dr. Gyanendra Sharma’s book Pitru-Karm Shraddh-Mimansa, and the complete guide to Pitru Paksha is here.

*Source — this article is based on a video discussion by Dr. Gyanendra Sharma (video link above, in Hindi). The tithi and muhurta of Shraddh change every year — decide them only after checking with your own panchang and family purohit.*

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